LOVE

I work up early that Wednesday morning (July 21), really early.  I remember thinking, today I would become a Mama.  Today would change my life.  I would finally see my girls.  The girls we worked so hard to keep. Everything was for this... for them...

I met with my OB, we laughed about his triplets and showed us pics of his kids on his phone.  

I met with the anasteligist, he promised I wouldn't feel any pain.

I met with the NICU doctor, explaining the issues we would most likely be expecting with the girls.

I met with my Peri, he said 'looks like we are going to have some babies'

I remember my nurse Renee squeezing my hand before we left my room for the operating room.  I will never forget walking into the operating room and seeing all of the people.  I knew and had been told, but seeing everyone was very different.  As I looked around the room, I saw the 2 NICU warming beds for the girls.  I felt tears come to my eyes.  I remember thinking I couldn't cry - nothing happened yet... it was too soon.  I looked back to see John, he smiled at me and mouthed 'you're doing great'

The first surprise was the spinal block.  They told me to hunch over - I had no where to hunch over...  I was so focused on 'hunching over' that it did not hurt like I had expected.  All I remember was Renee telling me it was over and they were going to lay me down right away.  In what seemed like a matter of seconds, I had a oxygen tube in my nose, a blue sheet over me blocking my view and many more people walking in the room.  

My OB looked over the blue curtain at me and told me to tell him if I felt anything.  I said no.  I could feel my body move, like someone was moving me and I had no control.  Everything really did seem to happen so fast. The next thing I knew, and I will never forget, I heard my OB say, 'here's a head, and oh, here are some feet.'  I remember looking over to John.  I'm pretty sure that when I started to cry.  I was worried something was wrong.  I just knew it.  I wasn't hearing any cries.  I thought I should have been hearing cries by now.

What I later found out, both girls where having a hard time breathing and they needed to have breathing tubes in right away.  Before I could fully process that the girls were okay, I experienced a lot of pain and was given some very strong pain medication.  Pretty soon John was telling me to wake up because the nurses were going to show me the girls before they took them to the NICU.

The next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room.  John was next to me showing me pictures of the girls he took of them in the NICU.  It was here where we decided on the names we would give the girls.

I don't remember the elevator ride or how I got to the NICU - I just know all of a sudden I was in Ada's room and was told I couldn't touch her... but oh, how she was tiny and so beautiful!  Her foot was hanging outside her circled blankets - and I put my hand out to touch her.  She was just too precious.

Then we were in Evie's room.  No one told me I couldn't touch her - and I do remember laying my hand out to her and I will never forget.  Evie reached up her itesy bitsy teeny tiny hand and grabbed my finger.  It was absolute love at first sight!

I've read it and have heard people say it countless times before... and I will be yet another.  Your heart simple breaks.  The love is just amazing.  Our girls are are very much loved!

Happy Birthday my lovely little ones!